Don’t Let the (Free) Turkeys Get You Down

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

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“Congratulations!” boomed the checkout girl in the supermarket aisle as she handed me my receipt. “You qualify for a free turkey!”

I looked down at the piece of paper and saw that I had spent enough at the market in the past two months to earn myself a free Thanksgiving turkey. Truthfully, with the amount I spent, I should have gotten a cow, a goat and a whole coop of chickens for free.

“Go get your turkey!” she said gleefully. I looked at the long line of impatient customers behind me.

“Nah, that’s OK,” I said. “I’ll get it next time.”

“You have to get it today,” she insisted. “It expires tomorrow!”

“No, really, it’s OK,” I said looking nervously behind me. “I’m not making Thanksgiving this year.” She stared me down. “And, um, I’m, uh, a vegetarian!” I stammered.

“Get your turkey!” she bellowed.

I felt like I was in some kind of weird Thanksgiving game show. “Tracy Beckerman, you have one day to claim your free turkey! Get it now or be forced to have a tofu turkey for thanksgiving. Deal or no deal?”

The checkout girl stood with her hands on her hips waiting for me to go fetch my frozen bird. Since I hadn’t paid yet, I had no choice but to obey.

As I made my way down the line, I apologized to the angry throngs. “I’m really sorry, I have to get my free turkey,” I said meekly as they glared at me. “It’s my last day to get it or I’ll get picked up by the poultry police.”

I ran back down the meat aisle, but when I got to the frozen turkey bin, it was empty. The place was utterly turkey-less. There were chickens and ducks and even a quail, but nary a turkey breast or drumstick to be found. The turkeys all flew the coop.

I looked around for some help, but the place was deserted. There weren’t even any other customers around… probably because they were all on the checkout line behind me waiting for me to come back with my stupid free turkey.

By the time I got back to the checkout, the line had doubled in size. There was only one other checkout line open, which would have been perfectly adequate if there wasn’t some idiot doing laps around the supermarket looking for a nonexistent turkey.

“There are no more turkeys,” I told the checkout girl when I returned to the counter. “Can I just get a couple of chickens instead?”

“Has to be a turkey,” she said, examining her fingernails. I could sense the rage building in the line behind me. I knew any moment I was going to be trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey myself and then tarred and feathered.

“Can you call someone to find one for me, please,” I said desperately. “Maybe they have one in the back or something?”

She suddenly realized there was an angry mob without turkeys but with lots of other groceries waiting to check out, so she picked up the housephone. “Turkey in checkout 2. Turkey in checkout 2, please,” she announced. I rolled my eyes.

The man in line behind me smiled.

“Yes,” he said. “There certainly is.”

©2011, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
To become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook, CLICK HERE
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One place to manage bills, accounts and statements.

Wednesday, November 16th, 2011


Remember a few years ago when you signed up for a frequent flyer account? You remember that number, right? Oh, and raise your hand if you’ve ever got charged a late fee for forgetting a credit card payment. How about having an online deal expire before you had the chance to take your belly dancing lessons? Who can keep track of all that stuff?

Manilla, that’s who.This awesome site and mobile app will keep track of all your utilities, credit card balances, frequent flyer numbers and even what’s next in your Netflix queue. Not only will it store all that information, and guard it with its life, it will even send you reminders so that you’ll never miss another bill payment again.

And, it’s so clever it can even allow you to make those payments right then and there.So now all you have to do is sit back and feel like the Goddess of Organization. Check out this week’s Twirl and see what left Carley in the dark about managing her busy life.

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WELCOME JAMIE EASON to our Balancing Act Blogging Community

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

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At just 5’2”, the last thing Jamie Eason imagined for her future was to become a model.  Yet, for the past several years, she has done just that.  With more than 50 major magazine covers to her credit, Jamie has used her platform as both a writer and a model to help educate and inspire others to adopt a fit lifestyle.

As a former NFL cheerleader for the Houston Texans in 2001, Jamie’s dance career was side-lined when she found a suspicious lump in her breast. The return to an inactive lifestyle as a corporate trainer took a toll on Jamie, both mentally and physically.  Nearly five years after her initial lumpectomy, suspicious cells returned and Jamie decided to take control of her health.  After hiring a personal trainer and nutritionist, she began her journey to a healthy lifestyle and ultimately to a new career.

Today, Jamie Eason is one of the most recognized faces in the fitness industry.  She holds several fitness titles, most notably Hardbody Entertainment’s World’s Fittest Model, and has been featured as a writer and a model in hundreds of magazine layouts.  Jamie has a bachelor’s degree in communication, is the official female spokesperson for Bodybuilding.com and has been syndicated in Oxygen Women’s Fitness magazine with her column called “Seize the Day!”  In her spare time, Jamie enjoys activities with her church and traveling to foreign countries.

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Escaping to Mexico…Sort of!

Monday, September 12th, 2011

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Note: This post was written before Hurricane Irene was approaching.  I hope everyone is safe and sound and enjoys the last week of August now that Irene has passed…

One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila…More! –  adapted from George Carlin

The Hamptons is a popular summer destination for many New Yorkers.   There are beautiful sunsets, great restaurants, perfect beaches, adorable shops, sizzling cocktail parties and much more.  It sounds wonderful right?

But this writer finds herself very restless around mid-August every summer.  This feeling usually coincides with my gray roots popping out on my head and seemingly no time to get them fixed. Guests are coming and going and my 10-year old daughter is in day camp for the month so I can’t really leave unless I want to abandon her – ha.  Despite the beautiful locale, I want to escape to an exotic destination. I want to stop worrying about the lawn, my barking dog and filling up the gas tank. Other women thrive and love it here in August; I find myself fantasizing about room service, some culture and a great margarita on a beach that doesn’t require a permit for admittance. This is usually the time I also try to accept the fact that my ambitious, summer plans for self-improvement (carefully written on paper in June) are fading fast from my brain as I count the days until school starts and I get my life back. Is someone reading this and relating at all?   Are my gray roots the only “frenemy” I have at the moment?

But then my blog partner, Pam, came to visit me for a few days. Pam to the rescue: she arrived while I was “alone” during the week desperately seeking adult company in the evening. There is nothing like a best friend and she showed up  just in the nick of time. Hergirls were in sleep away camp and we had a pretty appealing mission:  taste-test a new Cuervo product that was sent to us from The Balancing Act, the national morning show that airs on Lifetime Televisioneach morning.  Our assignment? Drink it, report back and write about  Cuervo’s “Zero Calorie” Margarita Mix. We wondered how it would stack up againstBethenny Frankel’s popular SkinnyGirl Margarita – one we had both tried previously. According to Cuervo,Zero tasted great and had no calories.  They graciously sent us a bottle of Cuervo Tequila Goldand Zero Margarita Mix and wanted us to test drive this new product targeted to female consumers. We were game. In fact, we embraced it as an opportunity to do something new for our blog, the52weeks.com.  Our blog was all about doing something new, different or something we were previously afraid to do each week for 52 weeks.  We had both done a few new things here and there this summer but have yet to write about them. Perhaps the Tequila would get us writing again!

“We can’t just drink Tequila for one of “our” 52 weeks,” I said passionately, feeling like it would be totally disingenuous and a cop-out. “We started this blog to really tackle our own to-do lists,” I added.  “I know,” said Pam.  “But we can have fun and spend time together.  I thought about it. She was right.  Didn’t we start this blog to also just do fun things together?  The Balancing Actinvited us to do this  for them so why not?

To be honest, I was not in a margarita “mood” as the designated night approached.  My daughter was around and I knew that this was going to be a far cry from my Tequila-infused college nights.  To go beyond just drinking for this week, we decided to make an authentic Mexican dish to add to the experience. Pam diligently researched Mexican recipes on the computer while I wallowed in another room trying to figure out what was bothering me beyond gray roots.  She uncovered an authentic steak taco recipe and a new recipe for guacamole.  She even ventured out without me to get the ingredients (perhaps sensing my mood and taking the bull by the horns?).  Coincidentally, I had purchased the Margaritaville a few months ago – an amazing high-tech blender.  Despite its name it can be used for any frozen drink.  I still had not learned how to use it but the reviews from family and friends were favorable.  Believe it or not my daughter was an expert since she had watched Daddy use it numerous times since May.

While Pam chopped and measured, my daughter made a frozen margarita for both of us (nothing like keeping your kids busy to minimize their complaining).  Pam and I enjoyed the frozen version and the straight-up version and agreed we liked it better than SkinnyGirl but we weren’t sure why at first:  was it the calories and sugar we missed? Did our palettes simply get used toCuervo’s Classic Lime Margarita Mix from our younger years? In the end we agreed that customizing our margarita was what we liked best about Cuervo’s new “Zero” Mix; Bethenny’s stuff is pre-mixed so you can’t customize your margarita!  Soon, we were rushing to serve authentic steak tacos, chips and homemade guacamole so that the minor in the house didn’t starve (the authentic Mexican dishes took longer than my usual boring kid-friendly meals). Okay, so it wasn’t the ideal setting to recapture our wild, college Tequila nights but most importantly we spent time together, ate pretty good food and had a 10-year old bartender taking care of us.  Not bad.

I decided to take the Mexican thing further; so a few days later I stopped in a top garden center to see what I could find out about Mexican plants and flowers (hey, learning something new is also what our blog is all about). I went to Silas Marder – a top-notch garden and gallery center in the Hamptons that I have never been to despite my years out here. I talked to some experts who told me about Mexican plants and flowers and discovered the Mexican Heather plant which requires very little maintenance.

Finally, just to top off the “escape to Mexico” experience I brushed up on a few useful Spanish phrases (it unfortunately brought back memories of my strange high school Spanish teacher).  Now, though, I was armed with important phrases if Pam and I ever have time to jet off to Mexico for an adult vacation without a care in the world.  Remember the great movie The Shawshank Redemption?  Andy, the main character, confides in his best friend Red that he wants to go toZihuatanejo, “A little place on the Pacific, because they say the Pacific has no memory”.   Years ago, when I was young and needed little sleep I used to drink Tequila and have little memory of the night before upon awakening.  I am happy to report that with age comes wisdom: I am glad I remembered everything about the night before. College years are fun to remember but not actually relive (I am not sure my body could handle it anyway). There’s something about drinking Tequila the right way, with the right food and the right company (including my daughter) that makes getting older so wonderfully sweet – even with artificial sweetener.  Thanks Cuervo.

Oh, and don’t forget the ice! Or as they say in Mexico and the Hamptons, “No olvide el hielo!”

For more information on “The 52 Weeks,”  Karen Amster Young or Pam Goodwin – visit http://the52weeks.com/

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Accidents happen.

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

When you are involved in an accident of any kind my number one piece of advice is to call the police and DON’T MOVE THE VEHICLE UNTIL THEY GET THERE. Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of problems with my customers and their insurance companies. I know everyone is in a rush and no one wants to be stuck on the side of the road waiting for the police when there are just minor dents on their cars but this is the exact time that you need a report. This is what I’m seeing: You are driving along and someone tries to cut in front of you and hits the side of your car. Both vehicles get small dents, the other driver gets out and says, “I’m so sorry, it was my fault”. Neither one of you wants to wait so you exchange info yourselves and go on your merry way. Next day you call the insurance company to put in a claim only to find out the other guy has already made a claim on his insurance and BLAMED YOU for the accident. Now it’s his word against yours and unless witnesses come forward then the insurance company can’t make a determination. If you have full coverage on your car then they’ll pay to fix it but minus the deductible. If you only have liability coverage, then you’re flat out of luck getting your car repair paid for. The other driver has not only claimed the accident was your fault but all of a sudden the little dent now includes all the previous scratches on the vehicle and oh yeah, his back hurts and now he sues you.

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Let’s change the scenario: Same accident but you wait for the police to show up. He hasn’t yet gotten on the phone to his friends and family who inform  him  this could be his big payday and he actually admits it “might” have been his fault. More importantly the officer states the placement of the vehicles which might show whose fault it was. The officer will also report what the actual dents are and perhaps the force of the impact. I say it’s better to be armed with too  much info then not enough and I’m constantly seeing customers get screwed over for their deductible’s because they didn’t want to wait.

I just ran this post by one of my close friends, a lawyer, and he’s arguing this point with me. He hates when people in small accidents don’t move their cars out of the way. He thinks that no matter what, anything can be argued away, even with a report (but arguing is his job). I’m holding the line on this one but do what you will and  at the very least take a ton of pics. I have anecdotal evidence from customers that my advice has helped them.

If all that doesn’t convince you then this might. A few years ago, I was in a ski resort parking lot moving my car forward so I could open the door. Stupidly, I still had my ski boot on (an insanely moronic move) and my foot slipped off the accelerator lurching the car forward into the parked car across from me. We got out and looked at the other car and there was no damage so we loaded up and left. A few weeks went by and I got a call from the local police (a witness had left a note). Not only had I left the scene of the crime but there was now $1,800 worth of damage that the police insisted I pay out of my own pocket or they’d arrest me . Even the smallest accident can cause the biggest hassle and calling the police in to mediate is not a waste of your time.

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How to Make a Celeb Laugh and How to Look Like a Pufferfish

Friday, August 12th, 2011

When you go to the annual BlogHer conference, you expect to meet up with lots of incredible women, learn some great blogging tips at the sessions, be inspired by the key note speaker, and come home with a lot of cool swag from all the amazing sponsors.

What you do NOT expect is to meet Jane Lynch.

I certainly didn’t go thinking, “Gee, I hope the uber-talented star of ‘Glee’ happens to be at the conference and I will have the opportunity to meet her in a private setting, chat for a bit, and give her a copy of my book!”

But that’s what happened.

To back up, I was spending a good amount of time at the conference with a couple of fabulous ladies from The Balancing Act on Lifetime TV (where I spend time each Friday blogging about random funny stuff). One day into the conference they happened to mention to me that Jane Lynch was at the conference to promote a PSA campaign that she is participating in with LG phones about the dangers of texting and driving. Here was the conversation we had:

Balancing Act ladies: Hey guess what, we are going to get a chance to tape an interview with Jane Lynch for the show!
Me: Shut up!
BA ladies: Yeah! Wanna come?
Me: Shut up!
BA ladies: Is that a yes?
Me: (babbling incoherently and moronically). Yuh-huh!

I had to keep the whole thing under wraps because if word got out that Jane Lynch was on the premises, 3000 women would have stormed the LG Suite. So at the appointed time, I surreptitiously meandered over to the suite and under cloak of darkness (actually, it was broad daylight, but I thought that sounded better) I slipped into the LG Suite and met Sue Sylvester herself, She-Who-is-So-Deliciously-Snarky, the wonderful actress, Jane Lynch.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. OK maybe I did. I thought she would be just as evil as Sue Sylvester in real life. But of course, she plays a character on TV, she is not the character she plays on TV. In real life she is warm and gracious and lovely. Kind of serious, actually.

This being the case, I knew I needed to do one thing. I needed to make her laugh.

As she helped herself to a few bites at the buffet, I approached her and told her my daughter and I were big fans.
Jane: How old is your daughter?
Me: 14
Jane: Is she your only one?
Me: No, I have a son, too. He’s 16.
Jane: So, you’re done with the “kids in diapers” stage.
Me: Yes. Now I have parents in diapers.

(they aren’t really. But I’ll throw anyone under the bus for a laugh).

Jane snorted and laughed out loud.

My work there was done.

I took a picture with her, which, as you can see is probably The. Worst. Picture. Ever. Jane looks like a wax figure (I swear it was the real her) and I look like a Pufferfish. I’m not sure why she looks so waxy and I look so puffy, but I’ll chalk it up to bad lighting, a bad camera angle and no photoshop.
OK. Here is the truth in advertising picture:

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Now here is the version for the Tabloids:

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Much better, right?

Anyway, bad pic aside, it was a wonderful experience meeting her and I’m sure she will remember me always.

And by the way, please check out her PSA campaign about the dangers of texting and driving and share it with your kids. It is a funny spot, but a serious subject and something we all need to pay attention to!

©2011, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
To become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook, CLICK HERE
To follow me on Twitter, CLICK HERE

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PLAYGROUND POLITICS: Opinionated MAMA’s Perspective On Politics

Tuesday, July 19th, 2011
Politics are BORING, right? Voter turnout is typically dismal in the United States, particularly in mid-term and primary elections.  No one cares about the debates…we go about our day, doing our thing and then we wonder how so-n-so got in office.  Hmmm?  Maybe that’s why the candidates feel like they need to jump up and down and, basically, stand on their heads to get our attention?!  Like kids fighting over who gets to play on the monkey bars, American politics has degenerated into childish antics. “He did this….she did that….that’s not fair…that’s not true…it’s my turn…I want, I want, I want…waaaa!”  MAMAs – sound familiar?  Of course it does.  Our kids interact with this same immature level of banter.  The only difference is they have an Opinionated MAMA to make sure they play fair, take turns and use their big boy/girl voices.  Our kids are not responsible for solving the huge problems of the day, but our politicians are!

We have politicians SEXTing their privates to random strangers, visiting brothels, lying about love children, soliticiting sex in airport bathrooms, entire staffs quiting and old emails being published.  In the meantime, unemployment increases and the American people have no idea who to take seriously anymore.  What is really going on?  How do we get past the soap operas in Washington and face the real issues at hand.  But, maybe that’s the point. Maybe we want a distraction and we don’t want to face the ugly truths.  It’s just more fun to talk about the silly stuff…certainly more juicy…definitely more helpful to TV ratings than boring brass tacks, right? We want politicians who are camera ready and give great sound bites.  That’s what’s important on the political playground these days – not working to get things done, just distractions.  Should we even mention that we had ELMO and a comedian testifying in front of Congress? Have we all gone mad?
Millions of people throughout the world envy our political system, one in which candidates get to speak to their constituents directly and citizens that have the right to freely elect their own representatives.  So, why don’t we take elections seriously and listen to important policy points?  Why don’t we get into the nitty gritty details of the candidates platforms?  Why do we only want the snarky sound bites?  People say that they do not vote for several reasons: no time, not enough research on the issues, or that their single vote does not really matter in the larger scheme of things…blah, blah, blah…even more common is the sentiment that people are frustrated with the options on the ballot when they are asked to choose between two equally boring candidates.  The fact is when there is an interesting, polarizing candidate who says some wacky stuff, it gets us excited.  Then, we wonder why smart, hard-working candidates are so few and far between…because they are B-O-R-I-N-G and we don’t vote for them!  The political discourse has withered into a game of tug-of-war and name-calling because it makes it more “fun” for us to stay engaged.  We actually like the drama…we want to hear from the gossip girls and we do everything we can to avoid being on the receiving end of the bullies, otherwise, we’re left with the usual cliques.  The really cool people just walk away from the playground of politics.
Jobs, education, wars, healthcare, immigration, economic recession and deficits are just some of what is at stake here.  It is more significant that we fix these fundamental problems and re-build our country, than who gets to rule the sandbox during recess.  Instead of hearing intelligent debate on these very important issues, we find candidates slinging sex scandal gossip, extreme rhetoric, racial slurs and references to bartering chickens for healthcare.  Good grief?!@#$!  The world is watching and we are behaving like a bunch of rowdy 2nd graders.
So, yes, it’s easy to see why grown ups may be turned off by politics.  But, we can’t give up now.  Not today.  Not in the face of all the enormous challenges that we have – not for ourselves, but for our children.  It’s time to show our kids that we care about the issues that face our generation and theirs.  We need to send the message that these are serious times and we need serious problem-solvers.  We will not accept the childish behavior of our politicians – we are already wiping noses and packing lunches for our own kids, so enough with the snotty behavior and free lunches from our elected leaders.  It’s time to remind ourselves that “we [indeed] get the government we deserve.”  We might be temporarily entertained by all the playground antics, but our kids deserve better!

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Yapta Gets You Refunds from the Airlines

Thursday, July 7th, 2011


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The irony of airline travel is that the prices are highway robbery. Maybe it should be called airway robbery? No matter what tips and tricks you may have heard about finding the cheapest airfare there’s we actually found a way to avoid buyers remorse even after you’ve purchased your tickets.

It’s called Yapta and it’s a site that not only will help you find flights and track prices, but once you decide you’re ready to go ahead and press the buy button Yapta will keep tracking the price for you to see if it drops. If it does then Yapta will alert you and help you get a refund for the cost difference per ticket. Important!! You must go to Yapta which will redirect you to the airline’s website when you’re ready to buy your tickets so you can qualify for the refund. And fear not, we were able to find the lowest airfare prices like all those other travel websites.

Find out in this week’s Twirl the ins and outs of beating their airlines at their own game.

Digitwirl is the weekly web show that offers simple solutions to modern day problems.  In 3 minutes, Digitwirl brings busy women the very best time, money, and sanity-saving technology, and then teaches them how to use it, step-by-step.  Digitwirl was created by technology lifestyle expert Carley Knobloch, who uses lots of technology to manage her busy life as mom of two and entrepreneur.

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