This baby is so grounded when he comes out. Apparently, he likes to poke me in the bladder every five minutes so I have to rush to the bathroom. I imagine him giggling maniacally in his little watery room every time he pokes me. So, I need help doling out the punishment. I’m thinking of showing his little baby bum pictures to his first crush (for all intents and purposes, right now I will refer to my little hitchhiker as a HE until we figure out the real sex). OR I can offer to chaperone for his first school dance, then make him slow dance with me. That ought to show him. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
This week has been emotionally and physically exhausting. I’m at 11.5 weeks and I have say: This sucks. Yeah, I said it. I’m not one of those women who enjoy pregnancy. I’m certain I never will be. I’m a woman who enjoys a good martini, a good night out with friends, and the youthful energy that I prided myself with having just three short months ago.
Now, I’m just tired. ALL the time.
Not only tired, but drained. I already feel as if I ran a marathon as soon as I roll my lumpy butt out of bed. Don’t get me wrong — I am absolutely thrilled at the prospect of having an amazing ninja child, but I much prefer to grow a human baby in a mason jar by my bed, feeding it fish flakes every night for nine months. What, it’s true! No judging!
Symptoms that have been driving me up the wall and a scale of 1 to 10 to describe them, 1 being “mild,” 10 being “holy cow, someone kill me”:
• Nausea – 6
• Mood swings – 10
• Fatigue – 10
• Peeing every 30 minutes – at least an 11.
So there you have it. What’s that? Pregnancy advice for women who are thinking of gaining a little hitchhiker for themselves? Well, I suggest being near a bathroom at all times and having your significant other keep a shield handy for when you have the sudden urge to throw your shoe at him. (It happens, ladies. Yesterday was an old Christmas ornament). I hear by the second trimester the symptoms should have abated. They’d better! Seriously, this week has been vile. I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy. Well, maybe that woman who cut me off on McGrath Highway the other day. That’s right, I just wished a complete stranger extreme fatigue and mood swings.
Second trimester, you better be better than the first. Or ELSE!
About Koreen: This is Koreen Alvarado’s first pregnancy. She, admittedly, has no mothering credentials to speak of except that she is pregnant and finds it amusing. She does very important, big time things in Boston with her dog Duncan, cat Dash and her humorously tall boyfriend, Tim.
